Open to Interpretation

Do these words themselves have meaning,

Or do we assign the meaning only as perception?

Is it possible to be without meaning, and at the same time meaningful,

Based solely on the experience of the perceived interpreter?

When you answer, will my interpretation 

Equal your expectation of my perception?

To dust

I wore my favorite dress today

Colors bright and true

To make me feel a part of things

To bring a different hue 

Than just the blue

I even wore the earrings 

That match quite perfectly

Colorful polka dot butterflies

Can't even make me see

The bright in me

I told them all to go away

The lovers and the friends

I said I'd be in touch sometime

But we all know how it ends

No real amends 

So when you see me walking

Slowly to your door

Know that I'm quite fragile

Though also I am more

worth waiting for

Cherry bomb

Cool cherries

Juicy and plump

Luscious flesh

Bursting and gushing

Sweet pink juice

Down my lips

And fingers

Heart Throbs

Feeling abysmally lonely.

Although lovers are easily enough available,

I feel compelled to blow them

off and leave them longing,

While my heart throbs for something more substantial, someone to please who pleases me too.  

Blue

I cried on my yoga mat this morning

Mourning

All the love I've lost

My family

My home

Lovers

Friends

Bridges I've burned

People I've hurt

Those who hurt me

And I realize

Slowly

As if under water

My thinking is swimming

In a vast ocean of blue

That you

Reflect what I can't see

A mirror image 

Of all that is missing in me

Ode to feeling bloated in the bath

Oh, chocolate covered potato chips
you naughty devil
you delightful coupling
of salty and sweet
firm and crisp yet creamy and smooth
you make my knees weak
but I can't help noticing
the way you make me feel
deep inside.

Mira Mar

Sometimes a memory will just unhinge me.  

For some reason I just thought about the name my Mom gave our homestead,

MiraMar Farm,

Means "Look at the Sea"

A reminder to look for the beauty, even when it seems distant.

Now lost entirely 

To someone else's memory.

Honest to a fault

My honesty compels me to tell

The rest of the story

The dirty laundry

That only the child of a hopeless

Alcoholic anonymously can know

How I felt ashamed

Scared

Flawed

To my very core

Guilt like a pair of concrete boots

Dragging me down 

To the bottom

Rock bottom

I met you there 

And I wept

While you slept

On the floor

Cigarette still in hand

Like a little flare

A cry for help

In that big empty old house

Now nothing more than a memory

That haunts me still 

No matter how far I run

Away.

Your girl

Kneeling

Feeling small

Excited anticipation

Heart beating faster

Coming closer

Closer

Touching my face

I submit

All yours

Cucumber

A faculty member forgot her keys on the counter of the bookstore, which prompted me to peek up there to see if I could find them.  Not just the keys, but also a big green cucumber lay on the counter as though on display.  Only problem was, we don't sell cucumbers.  In perhaps a moment of less than better judgement, I asked the professor if this was also her cucumber.  She laughed all the way out of the store.  A moment later I was approaching a young woman browsing cosmetics and found myself asking her (again probably not my best judgement) if this was her cucumber.  She said yes, the lady at the salon next door had given it to her for some reason and she was excited to get it home and eat it.  That was the final straw.  My professional facade cracked and I laughed out loud, right in her face.  I couldn't make this stuff up.  

Growing

Stressed and exhausted

Dazed and confused 

Weak and accepting

Fearful and bruised

Rusty and tattered

Restless and used

Beautifully broken

Yesterday's news

Wanting and needing

Hoping and pleading

Loving and living 

Sharing and giving 

Learning and knowing

Ebbing and flowing 

Breathing and slowing

Growing, just growing 

Capsized

As a child I cherished the silly moments we had.  Knowing unconditional love thanks to you dad.  No sarcasm although your lectures could drive anyone mad.  

Now I look around and see so few who care enough to even try. I'm so alone and too afraid to wonder why.  So many songs can make me cry.  Don't die, don't die, please, sigh

The Parent Curse

Monday to Friday I stand by your bed, looking down at your sleepy little head.

You look so peaceful I almost feel bad

Waking you from your deep slumberland.

"Time to get up now, we can't be late,

And it's already a quarter til eight."

"Just five more minutes," I hear you mumble,

And all morning long more grumping and grumbles.

Then finally!  The weekend, at last it is here!

No alarm clocks, no rushing, or traffic to fear.

There's only one thing on the weekend to fix,

You always wake me up at a quarter to six!

All I am is one

Whole being radiating

Light up the whole world 

Mobile

Devices we cherish more than eachother 

Our lives ripe with anguish no clue why we suffer 

Reap what you sow is all app based and storefront

Like putting a hashtag on the present moment 

Technology ruling class making us servers

Uploading more bullshit into the users

But cradling our demise isn't all we can hope for

At least I hope not that's for sure

longing

hold me
close
I need you
inside me
there is pain
but also love
and passion
and you too

A little more

Woke up crying at 5am
seems even in sleep
I feel the pain
the strain and drain
of being alone
raising a child
worked to the bone
nothing to show for the long hours
the many tears flowing
the years blown
and the bills just keep growing
I do it all for him
yet who really wins
when I spend less time at home
and when I am, still gone
exhausted, depleted, worn
nothing left to give
the one I love
and live for.

No woman is an island.
No child should be either.
It takes a village they say,
But I would gladly settle
for even a little more.

Sunrise

Sivasana at sunrise
under clear blue skies
apple blossoms overhead
tickle the nose in fragrant lies
An avian chorus overtakes
the growling aviation makes
nature rules this renewed hour
before the beastly men awake

unfiltered

there must be more than just a screen
no matter how large it is
still just a screen
like a filter
to view the world through
a tiny sieve.

i'm so tired of staying up late
and scanning a feed
instead of nourishing my soul
or embracing my love.

I need you.
it's hard to admit.
and harder to explain
but I think we could be so beautiful together
and I miss you with all my heart

so glad you're alive.

Ingwaz and Uruz

Standing tall,
Ingwaz leads,
victorious
without violence,
a conqueror of peace.
Strong in body,
heart and soul,
Uruz never falls
although he toils
long hours in the hot sun.